Shadow Days

Shadow days
not quite day
not quite night

I want to really see and feel the moist grey
The lost sun
The sorrowful wind
in full measure
Because in weather like this
something about the impossibility of me
is awakened

I am
because I fight
and on days like this when the sky forgets me
in its deluge of lamentation

On shadow days like this
I most feel the fight in me

Total Super Blood Wolf Lunar eclipse January 20, 2019

Total Super Blood Wolf Lunar eclipse
January 20, 2019

The lingering memory of a January day
the sky blue as a Raven’s wing
Relentless wind, so certain of it’s destination
howling most of the day,
15mph with gusts over 25mph.

A Sunny South day
the color of Union soldiers
who died
because they never expected the South
to be so unforgivingly bitter cold

I rub my hands
Check to see if my camera is comfortable
(Christmas is truly the Season of Tripods as gifts)
Somewhere near the dawn of the Wolf Moon
the restless dragon wind settles down,
but it’s hovering in the upper 20’s

The sky
the night sky I love so much
clear
and crisp
and sharp enough to cut you

The Super Moon closer than ever
huge at the horizon
now several hands above the rim of the World

The grass I mow
Pebble and rock Zen garden darken
Stillness grows
Silence

My lady smiles
radiant
as some darkness takes an ever encroaching bite
Time, unrelenting and unapologetic
advances the dancers

Darkness eats my Lady’s face
but does not consume her fully
Bruising her instead

Reddish-purple trauma
creeping in the wake
of the invisible assailant

I busy my hands to keep them warm
I switch to my other glasses
I try to find the snack I set out
anything to distract me from her trauma

Reddening apparent early
The umbra of the Lady’s assassin
The beautiful edge of the Moon glimmering brightly
contrasting the red as it deepens

In half of my heart
I am back in the cave
Seeing all this as the wrath of Angry Gods
A Punishment deserved by absented kings and mad knights

and I am afraid

Please don’t take her form me
I know she left me to die that time
but I love her still
The indifferent stars smile toothy smiles
all the brighter in her darkening

Totality!
The Darkness of a Super Blood moon
All I can do is wait. . .

My hands are shaking

A the thinnest edge of Hope I’ve ever seen
cuts along the trailing edge of the assassin

She Heals!
All parts of my heart sing

I miss the shot with my camera
by my heart holds that image in my mind

The fever broken
the Lady convalesces in the most pure sky
I have ever known

My hands calm
My eyes make my face cold

Total Super Blood Wolf Lunar eclipse
January 20, 2019

Sand Wisdom

She lifted a cup full of sand
flecked with mica stars
glinting in the Spring sun

Poured it into my right hand
Then lifted another and poured it into my left hand
I cupped the left hand
and tried to grip the right

I lost all the sand I tried to clench

In Shadow

 

Her shadow eyes meet mine
Though she is more than a memory
and less than a myst
I can almost see her
like the day I first saw her

Without making even a whisper of a ripple
she places her hand on mine
A cold bite
and I share a measure of my warmth

Vapor soft, her voice says
“I am frightened
of the thing I have become.”

I choke
failing to properly say
“Honestly, I don’t mind.”

She looks down
Says
“I wanted to give you children. . .”
She places a finger of ice on my lips
before I can tell her
that none of that ever mattered

The cold burns me

She lifts deadly earnest eyes
Eyes as dark as the night I drove her to the sea
She says
“You’re only fault was loving me.”
and she was gone

The Goodbye

She left. . .
she left something behind

and the ghost of her other lover
detached from shadow

his steps barely marking the mud in the road

she left somethings behind
him and the tiny bear of cloth
her imaginary friend and her childhood

she left down a muddy road
leaving footprints and lost loves behind
in the mud of a thawing spring day. . .

he lifted the tiny bear
brushed it off as best he could
put it under his tattered coat
next to his silent heart

neither were ever seen again

Visceral Wisdom

If your heart is broken
then how do you breathe?
If you can’t breathe
then how is it that you scream?
If you can’t hear
then how do you know?

I sometimes wonder if we even need a judge
for all the good and bad we’ve done
We seem to do a very good job of tormenting ourselves

Breathe
You deserve the air in your lungs
Scream
until you’re exhausted
Find a silence to live in
if only for a moment
and listen to your visceral wisdom

The fiber of your being speaks volumes
The breath you are drawing knows
without knowing how it knows
how to nourish the blood given by your ancestors
Trust to your inner most being

Boundary Conditions ~ the Dark Captain

Oh Human
Did you think that lifting this device
or completing this equation
or maybe eating this pill
Did you think you’d escape Death?

Delay
perhaps
Stop
never

The rule is clear
Evolution demands death
or there is no game
no entertainments, so to speak

The Cold Lady waits at the boundaries
Waits in the Dark Places
Waits with glacial patience
(she really doesn’t like it when you rush)

She is your most persistent admirer
She gets all aquiver thinking about you
And like all lovers, filled with passion
Death will not be
denied
forever