The Ego of the Id~The Isti of the Anma

And so I’m thinking to myself
Evil huh?
What is Evil?
Or for that matter what is
Good?
Like Time they slip through
The fingers of my mind
slippery things

I knew Evil
the first time I was slapped
And laughed at
I knew evil that January
When I was doubled up in the Emergency room
wondering if I was going to die
And I knew Evil when they told me
my niece was to have a titanium rod
fused with her spine to keep her back
from growing into a question mark
And the question?
How can something like this happen?

I knew Good
The first time my mother looked through the rails of my crib
And smiled
(Yes, I can remember and you can too if you try)
The first time I solved a calculus problem and knew what I was doing
And I knew Good every time a friend has looked at me covered in grime
and said “Thanks Bill.” Or lifted their head
Grabbed me to hug in that way that friends hug
And the question is
why can’t it always be like this?

I remember
the Autumn air
The sure and certain sound of Heaven
Clear crisp and bright
And I stood there crying because there was nothing else I could do

And I realize
There is something in everything
Something under everything
And yes
I have known Evil
And I have known Good
As you have
As you will
And no Day
No matter how Dark
Bright
Or indifferent
Is without . . .
something
There is wonder in the moment
any moment
If you listen
Be still in this moment
Let that chill creep up your spine
For in it you know you are alive
in this moment
It is the scream if every thing
Both living and dead
It is the terrible/beautiful sound
Of the mystic green engine
That drives inert matter into this dance we call Life
And it is
in every part
Worthy of your voice
So go ahead and howl
Let it out
And you’ll let it in
And in the silence that follows
If you quiver just a bit
Then whisper your thanks
You are Alive